Chances are you've been rejected. You've experienced disappointment. You've felt the pain of not getting what you want. People have disappointed you. You've struggled with hope. If rejection hasn't beat the crap out of you, you're not risking anything, you don't want anything, and you've quit.
In my thirties, I drank the positive thinking kool-aid and why wouldn't I? People wanted to know me. Employers wanted to hire me. My kids wanted to spend time with me and my husband wanted to build a life with me. It was easy to be an optimist who could see the silver lining in everything and be content.
In my forties, the kool-aid proved to be sugar and food colouring. I lost my job, my husband, some friends, and my children grew up. My life turned upside down and no amount of positive thinking fixed it.
Rejection begets more rejection.
I've lost things in my life, which leads to more rejection because people are wired to associate with those who win and society perceives loss as something to reject. When asked questions about myself I need to focus on the gains and hide the losses, to not tell the whole story, which for a storyteller, is nearly impossible.
Attitude Change
in 2016, when I got laid off, the HR person tried to give me hope with meaningless positive saying and quotes. However, I couldn't handle one more meaningless, inauthentic, I really don't care,"think positive quote." My insides were being torn apart by fear and anxiety, I didn't need to hear about doors, windows, and better things. At that moment, I needed understanding, support, and truth.
No one has a crystal ball. We can't see into the future. Thinking positive, though important, isn't enough. We must act. If we do not learn from our experiences, our fears are going to come true and placating someone with hope filled "positive thinking" quotes, with no basis in reality, blinds them to the truth. Better to tell a person about their strengths, rather than some airy, meaningless, quote.
Sometimes we fail and the reasons for the rejection can help identify obstacles to success. However, most times, we aren't the right person for the job, not the right fit for a lover, not the right personality for a friend and that's life. Deal with it, see it for what it is, and move on.
What are your favourite positive thinking quotes, share them in the comments section.
Focusing on the positives in your life, remembering the good things about your character, and knowing you are great at what you do, are vital to achieving success after rejection.
Make a list of all the things that make you great. Ask friends to come by and tell you all the things they love about you. When others tell us why we are amazing, we tend to believe it more than when we try to tell ourselves the same messages. You might be surprised by how great you really are when others tell you what they see in you. Positive messages based in fact and reality are different from delusional positive thinking sayings used to placate a person with hope about an uncertain future.
Life changes, sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst. What doesn't change is you.
I Got Rejected, again
When I didn't move on in the interview process, it hurt. It knocked me on my butt and I wanted to quit, to hide myself away, to drown in the doubt, disappointment, hurt, and fear. Instead, I analyzed what happened and talked to a career counsellor about my interview answers to try and determine where I went wrong.
I needed to find out how I failed to sell myself as the best option.
Knowing I'd messed up, failed, wasn't perfect, hurt more than the rejection itself because failure due to the mistakes one makes, is worse than being rejected for no reason at all. Yet, knowing an opinion about why I might have failed, is very helpful for the next time.
The problem at the time was the role I'd cast myself in. I was deep in victimhood and how I presented myself, told my stories, and answered questions reflected that others had hurt me and I was nothing.
Rewrite the story
To change my life, I had to change my role in my story. I had to STOP being the victim and start being the hero.
Heroes think, act, and talk differently than victims. They handle rejection on a completely different plane than victims. Victims see rejection as proof that they are not good enough, not talented enough, just not enough. Heroes see rejection as an opportunity to learn, to move forward, and find a better opportunity. They don't take it personally.
Rejection to a hero is NOT personal. The reasons for rejection lie outside of themselves and reflect a very different message. It means the opportunity wasn't the right fit, the people didn't share their values and that is OK because a hero seeks people who understand what they have to offer. It isn't a failure... They try again using a different approach, angle, or position.
Which do you want to be a hero or a victim?
It's easy to be a victim. I've been there and it sucks but it's easy because you don't have to do anything. Everything is being done for you and no matter what you do, things will just happen.
To be a hero means you have to ask tough questions, work to show up in front of different people, and you have to see the story from another person's point of view to understand why you were not the right person for that opportunity. - It takes strength to understand that it wasn't you as a person that was being rejected.
Want to become the hero of your story?
Click here to explore the book - That's Life - Where you will find short stories to help you identify the different roles and recast the character in the role of hero. These exercises will help you to recast yourself and start being the hero of your life.
Want more help?
Click here to find out when the next Story of Women discussion is scheduled for to discuss the hero and victimhood of women to discover how you can recast yourself as the hero.
or
Click here to book some one on one time with Shannon to discuss how you see yourself and how you can change your point of view.
Your mind is your greatest tool.
Rejection Tools
The pain of rejection can destroy us. We must face it, deal with it, and learn from it. The following links have tools to help deal with rejection. 📷
Seek Rejection
Everyone gets rejected. Everyone feels disappointment. A successful person embraces rejection and keeps seeking it out.
The only way to go forward in life is to put myself out there. To be open to the pain of rejection and to embrace it as a sign that I'm living. I may never find success, but quitting is not an option.
I keep learning from my failures.
