Find Strength in Rejection

Chances are you've been rejected. You've experienced disappointment. You've felt the pain of not getting what you want. People have disappointed you. You've struggled with hope. If rejection hasn't beat the crap out of you, you're not risking anything, you don't want anything, and you've quit.

In my thirties, I drank the positive-thinking kool-aid—and why wouldn’t I? People wanted to know me. Employers wanted to hire me. My kids wanted my attention, and my husband wanted to build a life with me. Optimism was easy. Life seemed full of silver linings.

Then my forties arrived, and the kool-aid turned out to be just sugar and food coloring. I lost my job, my marriage, some friendships, and watched my children grow up. My life flipped upside down, and no amount of positive thinking could fix it.

Rejection begets more rejection.

Losing things often leads to more rejection because people—and society—tend to gravitate toward “winners.” Loss can feel like a mark against you. Storytelling becomes complicated: when asked about yourself, you’re pressured to highlight gains and hide losses. For a storyteller, that’s nearly impossible.

The Attitude Shift

In 2016, when I was laid off, the HR person tried to console me with “positive” quotes. I couldn’t stomach another meaningless, hollow, “think positive” saying. My fear and anxiety were raw. I didn’t need platitudes about doors and windows and better things—I needed understanding, support, and truth.

No one has a crystal ball. We can’t predict the future. Positive thinking is important, but it’s not enough. Action is what counts. If we don’t learn from our experiences, our fears become reality. Placing empty hope in someone’s hands blinds them to the truth. It’s far better to highlight real strengths than offer airy, inauthentic encouragement.

Sometimes rejection teaches us about obstacles we can overcome. But often, the truth is simple: we’re not the right fit—professionally, romantically, or socially—and that’s life. See it for what it is, and move on.

Reclaiming Your Strength

Positive thinking matters—but it must be grounded in reality. Focus on your strengths, your character, the things you do well. Make a list of your achievements and qualities. Invite friends to tell you what they value about you. Hearing it from others can make the reality of your worth impossible to ignore.

Positive messages rooted in fact feel very different from the delusional kind that promise hope without substance. Life changes—sometimes for better, sometimes worse—but what doesn’t change is you.

I Got Rejected, Again

When I didn’t move forward in the interview process, it hurt. It knocked me off my feet. I wanted to hide, to wallow in doubt, disappointment, and fear. Instead, I analyzed what went wrong. I talked to a career counselor and examined my interview responses.

Knowing I had failed because of my own mistakes stung more than the rejection itself—but it was also powerful. Understanding why allowed me to fix my approach for next time.

At the time, I had cast myself as the victim. My answers, my stories, my tone—they all reflected hurt and self-doubt.

Rewrite the Story

To change my life, I had to change my role. I had to stop being the victim and start being the hero.

Heroes respond differently to rejection. Victims see it as proof they’re not enough. Heroes see it as feedback, an opportunity to learn, pivot, and find a better fit. Rejection isn’t personal—it often reflects mismatched values, priorities, or timing. A hero tries again with a new angle, new approach, or new opportunity.

Which do you want to be—a hero or a victim?

Being a victim is easy. You don’t have to do anything; life happens to you. Being a hero takes effort. It means asking hard questions, showing up for different people, and seeing the situation from another perspective. It takes strength to understand that rejection isn’t about you as a person—it’s about the fit.

Want to become the hero of your story?

Click here to explore the book - That's Life - Where you will find short stories to help you identify the different roles and recast the character in the role of hero. These exercises will help you to recast yourself and start being the hero of your life.

Story of Women Discussion

July 5, 2023 at 11:00 AM – July 6, 2023 at 11:00 AMzoom

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Want more help?

Click here to find out when the next Story of Women discussion is scheduled for to discuss the hero and victimhood of women to discover how you can recast yourself as the hero.

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Click here to book some one on one time with Shannon to discuss how you see yourself and how you can change your point of view.

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Your mind is your greatest tool.

Rejection Tools

The pain of rejection can destroy us. We must face it, deal with it, and learn from it. The following links have tools to help deal with rejection. 📷

Six Tips to Get Past Job Search Rejection

The Truth about Job Search Rejection

Putting Job Search Rejection into Perspective

Rejection and Dating How Not to take it Personally

Help I Can't Stand the Rejection

Seek Rejection

Everyone gets rejected. Everyone feels disappointment. A successful person embraces rejection and keeps seeking it out.

The only way to go forward in life is to put myself out there. To be open to the pain of rejection and to embrace it as a sign that I'm living. I may never find success, but quitting is not an option.

I keep learning from my failures.