As seen in APeeling in November 2020
I support women like you make the most critical decision of their lives, whether to leave or stay in a marriage.
It was my own personal journey of going through a divorce that made me passionate about helping other women gain clarity on whether they should leave or stay in a marriage that isn’t working.
I was so unhappy in my marriage that I decided to separate from my husband. I feel in some ways my decision to separate was done in a reactive mode without fully feeling my emotions. I did not fully explore all my options before making the decision to separate. When I separated, I was angry at my partner and I was coming from blame.
I then got myself in the busy mode of taking care of the children, managing the house, finances and going back to school. Everything a person who is going through a heartache will do to fix the problem on the outside.
I failed to look at my EMOTIONS and really hone in the ROOT cause of me wanting to leave. The busyness was a distraction and was a temporary solution. When the business subsided, I hit depression and that’s when I realized that if I wanted to really leave my husband from a fully empowered place, I first needed to accept my situation for what it was.
I needed to feel my emotions and gain the clarity I needed to leave or stay from a place of forgiveness, gratitude and acceptance. It doesn’t mean that the journey ahead was going to be easy, what it meant was that I could take full responsibility for my journey without blaming anyone. If I left from a place of blame, I knew I would continue to recreate the same problem somewhere else.
That’s when I decided to do the deep inner work needed to make a clear decision of whether to leave or stay. What was interesting that the emotions coming up were my own suppressed emotions from childhood that I had to work on feeling and releasing. Although, prior to doing the emotional work needed, I put all the blame on my ex-husband, but after doing the work, I realized that what I had in my marriage was what I subconsciously co-created based on my own family history.
I not only had to heal my marriage, I also had to heal my childhood programming and my cultural beliefs around relationships. Once, I gained the clarity, not only the depression lifted and I healed, I also was able to leave my ex from a good place, keeping the future of my children secure and emotionally intact from any effects of divorce. I also took care of my finances so I didn’t go broke after divorce, but had a future cushion for my children and me.
I really want the same for you. If your marriage is worth saving, let’s work together to explore that option, if it doesn’t have a potential to be saved, let’s not leave from a place of anger and blame. The world needs happy women so do our children.
Nina Thiara is a Divorce Coach who provides her clients with the emotional clarity they need in making the decision whether to leave or stay in a marriage. Divorce or Marriage....