As Seen in APeeling in November 2020
As an adult, wife and mother, I thought I had prepared myself for the worst of anything. I was always an independent being, resourceful, willing to learn, grow and develop into the best version of myself. I didn’t suffer from any diagnosed anxiety, other than a self-diagnosis of being able to cope effectively with quick reflexes and a penchant for problem solving. Bring me the problems as I attacked them with vigor, logic and experience. But nobody prepares you for your own trauma. Nobody.
I became a statistic of domestic violence during COVID-19. My husband crossed the line I confidently told others many times over he would never cross to physical abuse or harm to myself or my children. With that assault came shock, disbelief, and a flight response I didn’t know existed in my being. I was a fighter…and I chose not to fight back. I simply couldn’t believe it happened. There was no warning, no air bag with oxygen mask to drop from the ceiling, no pamphlet to inform me of a water landing. Nothing.
Current state of affairs includes a steadfast routine of counselling, seeking wisdom and a path to end a marriage that had been overdue to be ended, but with children involved, it’s not always easy. Pandemic or not, there is no easy time to go through something like this. To try to make sense of anything is part of the healing and it’s going to be scary, hairy and purposeful. I refuse to become a victim by sharing my story, albeit anonymously. Keep in mind that’s just for now as I seek to protect myself and my children through our healing. And one day I will be proud to call myself a survivor.
5 months later... The aftermath.
A lot can change in 5 months. That impact resulted in a time of extreme growth. I chose to commit to working and healing through the impact and its aftermath. Aftermath is commonly related to negative events and I’m not going to lie, our aftermath included a very ugly relapse of alcohol abuse, continued verbal and emotional abuse to both myself and my children. My aftermath also had positive results. Most importantly, I found my voice. I found my voice and most importantly the words to conclude that I refused to live any more days unhappy and in a situation that clearly needed my voice to move forward to work towards a life of happiness and joy despite the growing pains to our new family dynamics, a navigation of recovery, and becoming a single parent.
In this aftermath, the grass got cut and regrowth is a very wonderful thing. The grass is greener where you water it, even if it got cut short.